Sunday, February 12, 2017

| MY COMEBACK |

I've been spending the past month thinking of how to write this post, but I just couldn't figure out exactly how I wanted to write this all out. But this morning I woke up with the biggest desire to write and so here I am. 

This will be slightly personal, which is something I've yet to do on my blog. I've kept most of my personal life off the internet, but I owe everyone who reads my posts an honest explanation for what happened. I won't get into all of the details, some things I'm not ready to talk about yet and I might not ever be ready to talk about, but I will tell you the basics.

I've been dealing with anxiety and depression since middle school. It usually didn't bother me much, besides the occasional "bad day". Unfortunately, at the end of November, I had a huge spike in my anxiety, worse than anything I've ever experienced. On the outside I looked fine, but on the inside I was ready to explode. I had a few bad panic attacks, and a really bad bout of depression followed shortly after. I couldn't deal with much of anything anymore, so I just stopped blogging. At that moment, I didn't care about anything at all, and I lost all of my inspiration to write. 
I slept too much and then I didn't sleep at all. I didn't want to see anyone but I also felt so lonely. I couldn't eat, I lost 15 pounds and couldn't bare to look at myself in the mirror. I felt nothing and everything all at once. I spent my days sleeping and going to work, pretending to be okay the entire time. 
I opened up to my boyfriend and my sisters about this, and knowing I had someone to talk to has made me feel so much better. I'm back to eating like a pig again, which I couldn't be happier about. My sleeping schedule is getting better and all around I'm starting to feel better! 
I still have bad days, which are so bad. But I also have good moments and I love those. I'm still trying to figure out what exactly is "wrong" with me. I have a few ideas, but nothing certain. I do have an appointment with a psychologist in less than a week and although I'm extremely anxious about it, I'm excited to figure out what's going on with me and start getting better! 

I didn't want to make my blog this personal, but I realized something important during all of this. I think it's important for other people to know that there are others that know exactly how they feel. There was nothing I wanted more during this than knowing I wasn't alone and I wasn't the only person who has ever felt this way. I needed to talk to people who had similar experiences to realize that things do get better. 
I think it's important for people to have someone they can talk to or go to whenever they're feeling down or dealing with any other type of problem. 
I hope to somehow incorporate some posts about mental health into my blog once I start therapy. I want to raise awareness and help others. This is just an idea, but hopefully I can make it happen.

To end this I just want to say I'm sorry. I'm sorry to my readers for not writing. I'm sorry to the fellow bloggers on social media who I stopped interacting with, I miss you guys! I'm sorry to my friends and family for not being myself, I love you!

This is my "comeback", well at least that's what I've been calling it all day (lol). I can't make any promises that I'll post regularly, but I'll try my best to post as often as I can. I can't make any promises that I'll be on social media interacting, but I'm going to try. I can't make any promises that I'll be back to "normal", but I'm going to make a promise to myself and everyone else that I will work harder than I've ever worked in my life to get better. 

 Thank you everyone for your understanding and thank you to everyone who has been there for me. I love every single one of you! 


I'm ready to make my comeback now.





If you're ever feeling down, anxious, or you just really need someone to talk to, feel free to send me a message on twitter or instagram, I might not be able to get back to you right away, but I promise you I will answer you. You are not alone and you'll never be alone.

**If you or someone you know is having suicidal thoughts, please call the National Suicide Prevention Hotline: 1-800-273-8255,
Reach out to a family member or trusted friend, or call 911.**
Remember: YOU ARE NOT ALONE.

2 comments:

  1. Thank you for sharing something so personal. This is one of those things that so many struggle with... sorry for all of the comments (you're probably like what is goin on with this Jen girl haha)but I've been reading some great blogs and this is one of them. It's nice to see you take initiative and be so honest about what you're going through. XX Jen

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